step brothers riverboat gambling

Step Brothers (film)

Step Brothers is a 2008 comedy film directed by Adam McKay , produced by Judd Apatow and starring Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly .

• 1 Brennan Huff
• 4 External links

Brennan Huff

• (Banging Dale's snare drum with his scrotum) John Bonham 's playing Moby Dick for real!
• (Playing with Dale's drumset, as he yells in one of the drums) FUCK YOU, DALE! FUCK YOU!!
• (Sleep-talking) I'll kill you, Leonard Nimoy .
• (At Derek's birthday gathering, during his and Dale's presentation of Prestige Worldwide) Last week, we put Liquid Paper on a bee... And it died.
• (Wearing a Nazi outfit, to some home buyers) Hey, fuckers! Welcome to the neighborhood! My name is Craig. If you guys need any fertilizer, I've got a lot of it; Close to 80 tons. (to Derek, after the home buyers leave) Hey, Derek! Sprechen Sie Dick?
• (In regards to Robert and Nancy, who are retiring, selling their residence and having him and Dale live on their own as adults) Hold on; We're not going on the boat... Derek's selling the house... We have to go therapy? (Robert nods in response) WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!?
• (After singing for Dale, upon his request) I felt like I was hovering over my own body, watching myself sing.
• (On Christmas Day, regarding his Chewbacca mask) It's okay that mine's not movie quality.

(After they both discussed things in common)

(After their parents had divorced and now live somewhere else, Dale and Brennan are now the only ones in the house, as they are continuing to whisper in bed)

(Dale screams while he runs toward the room where Brennan is playing his drum set; with Brennan distracted, Dale thereupon grabs a cymbal and bashes Brennan in the head with it)

(Dale finds out that Brennan's brother Derek is conceited and disrespectful)

( Dale and Brennan, after Dale punched Derek )

(Dale farts for about 10 seconds, shocking the Sporting goods manager)

(Robert is furious at Dale and Brennan for destroying his boat as they all come back home from Derek's birthday party.)

(at the house, the whole family is having a Christmas dinner)

(Brennan is staring at Dale while he eats)

(While playing Brennan & Dale's music video "Boats 'N Hoes")

(At the Catalina Wine Mixer)

(As Dale and Brennan are whispering to each other in bed)

(Dale and Brennan have returned to the school playground, this time by helicopter, where they have come for their revenge on the children that once tortured them)

(In the "Extended Version"; after Dale and Brennan had defeated the schoolchildren and Gardocki, who tries to run away, but is held back by Dale and Brennan)

• Will Ferrell as Brennan Huff
• John C. Reilly as Dale Doback
• Richard Jenkins as Robert Doback
• Mary Steenburgen as Nancy Huff-Doback

External links

• Step Brothers
• Prestige Worldwide

• American films
• Comedy films
• Films directed by Adam McKay
• Films about brothers

Navigation menu

Motivational And Inspirational Quotes

80 Best Step Brothers Quotes And One Liners From The Movie

• April 12, 2023
• Inspirational Quotes

Looking for quotes about step brothers? We have rounded up the best step brothers quotes, sayings, captions, movie dialogues, hilarious one-liners, (with images and pictures) from the classic comedy Step Brothers. The film Step Brothers written by Adam McKay and Will Farrell released in 2008 which had a lasting impact on our lives. The movie has some memorable and hilarious quotes and diaglouges  follows two immature adults (Will Farrell and John C. Reilly) who still live at home and are forced to live together when their parents get married. Initially hating each other, the pair eventually become best friends. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Step Brothers Quotes Step Brothers Movie Quotes Funny Step Brothers Quotes Step Brothers Quotes “I am not the one staring at me.” “Then we’ll get around just fine.” “It’s the f***ing Catalina wine mixer.” “Snapping necks and cashing cheques.” “This cyclone in vanuatu. Is it pan or pam?” “Don’t lose your dinosaur.” — Robert Doback “I’ve been called the songbird of my generation.” “Gotta have my boats and hoes!” — Dale Doback “Shut your mouth. You’re just coming off stupid.” “Last week I put liquid paper on a bee… And it died.” “Don’t ever, ever touch my drum set. You understand?” “Did we just become best friends? “Yep!”” — Brennan Huff “I’m Dale, but you have to call me Dragon.” — Dale Doback “Dane Cook, pay–per–view, 20 minutes, let’s go!” — Derek “I you wake me up… I will stab you, in the neck with a knife.” “Dad, what are you doing? It’s ‘Shark Week’!” — Dale Doback “I feel like a lightning bolt hit the tip of my pe***!” — Brennan “I traveled 500 miles to give you my seed!” — lumberjack Brennan “Boats ‘n’ hoes, boats ‘n’ hoes / I gotta have me my boats and hoes.” “Robert better not get in my face, ’cause I’ll drop that mother f***er.” “You know what gets my di** hard? Helping out my friends.” — Derek “I didn’t want Salmon! I said it four times! This wedding is horse sh**.” “I wanna make bank bro. I wanna drive a range rover. I wanna get a**.” “Your drumset is a wh***! I tea bagged your drum set!” — Brennan Huff “Your singing is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.” — Dale Doback “I want to roll you into a little ball and shove you up my v***na.” — Alice “Get out of my face, or I’m gonna roundhouse your a**.” — Brennan Huff “My mom is being eaten by a dog and there’s nothing I can do!” — Brennan “I got a belly full of white dog crap in me, and now you lay this sh** on me?!” “You’re wearing tuxedos to a job interview that requires you to clean bathrooms.” “One time I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands.” — Dale Doback “I’m f***ing miserable. I had to get up at 10 o’clock this morning.” — Dale Doback “Listen, gang, don’t be mad at Dale for ruining the story…and possibly the evening.” “You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.” — Dale Doback “See that black smudge right there on the blade? Randy, Jackson, from American Idol.” “I’m Brennan.” “I’m Dale, but you have to call me Dragon.” “You have to call me Nighthawk.” “The Nina, the Pinta, the Santa Marian I’ll do you in the bottom while you’re drinking Sangria.” “This house is a f***ing prison!” “On Planet Bulls**t!” “In the galaxy of This S***s Camel D***s!” “Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta f*** one, marry one, kill one. Go!” — Dale Doback “Hey Derek, you know what’s always good for shoulder pain? If you lick my butthole.” — Brennan “You better not close your eyes, because as soon as you do, I’m gonna punch you square in the face!” “Today I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon. You yelled ‘rape’ at the top of your lungs.” — Nancy “You know what? I still hate you, but you got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags.” — Brennan Huff “They broke! The bunk beds were such a terrible idea why did you make us do it? There;s blood everywhere!” “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!” — Brennan Huff “We sail around the world and go port to port / Every time I come I produce a quart” — Prestige Worldwide, “Boats ‘n’ Hos” “You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.” “You’re not a doctor. You’re a big, fat, curly-headed f***!” “On the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don’t even think about it. Just name it. Ready? One, two, three.” — Dale Doback “I’m not great at this Hallmark stuff, but Brennan, when I look at you now, I don’t want to kick you in the head quite as much.” — Derek “I’m not gonna call him dad. Brendan you are 39 years old, I wouldn’t expect you to call him dad. Well I’m not going to, ever! Even if there’s fire.” “Maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” — Brennan Huff “Or a feel minutes feel better but then my emotions decided to come back with a slap across my face and I sounded like I was choking on piece of biscuit from popeyes.” ““I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.” “You don’t know anyone named Johnny Hopkins.” “It was Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Kettering. And they were blazing that sh** up every day..”” “I work at a college as a janitor even though I feel like I’m smarter than most of the people who go there. Sometimes, I see an equation written on a blackboard like half an equation and… I just figure it out.” — Dale Doback “Dad, we’re men. That means a few things – we like to sh** with the door open, we talk about pu***, we go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. That’s what we do, and now that is all wrecked.” — Dale Doback. “Flat. It’s so flat, I can’t even…I don’t even know. You don’t even look good while you’re singing. The worst thing I’ve ever heard. This is twelve hundred dollars a week for voice lessons, and this is what I get? Okay, I’m gonna save it with the solo…” “Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I’m looking good, got a luscious hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes “Oh my God, I’ve had the old bull now I want the young calf” and she grabs me by the weiner.” “Listen, I know that we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” “I would follow you into the mists of Avalon, if that’s what you mean.” “You’re embarrassing yourself, you geriatric f***! Two things: You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother. She’s a saint! And then you sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $10,000. Or I’m gonna shove one of those fake hearing devices so far up your a**, you can hear the sound of your small intestine as it produces s**t!” “When I was a kid…I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex more than anything in the world. I made my arms short and I roamed the backyard, I chased the neighborhood cats, I growled and I roared. Everybody knew me and was afraid of me. And one day, my dad said, ‘Bobby, you’re 17. It’s time to throw childish things aside,’ and I said, ‘Okay, Pop.’ But he didn’t really say that, he said, ‘Stop being a f***ing dinosaur and get a job.’”  Best Step Brothers Movie Quotes “So many activities!”– Brennan (Step Brothers Movie) “Do you wanna go do karate in the garage?” — Brennan (Step Brothers Movie) “What poem is that from? Is that James Joyce?” — Brennan (Step Brothers Movie) “Why are you so sweaty?” — Dale “I was watching cops.” — Brennan (Step Brothers Movie) “That’s so funny the last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.”— Dale (Step Brothers Movie) “This is going to sound weird, but for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.”— Dale (Step Brothers Movie) “I’m going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!”— Brennan (Step Brothers Movie) “Brennan, Denise called and she said she can’t spend New Year’s Eve with you because she’s not your girlfriend, she’s your therapist.” — Nancy (Step Brothers Movie) “Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. I can’t even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.”– Dale (Step Brothers Movie) “Listen, I know that we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” — Brennan (Step Brothers Movie) Funny Step Brothers Quotes “ Who’s the retard?” “What if I want wings?” “There’s so much room for activities.” “I’ll lick the dog sh** if you leave us alone.” “That’s cute, I remember when I had my first beer.” “I was about six there. You don’t wanna see me go to ten.” “I think I might be able to help with the pan-pam dilemma.” “I don’t believe in belts. There should be no ranking system for toughness.” “I swear, I’m so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she’s of age, I’m putting her in a home.” “I honestly, thought that I was gonna be raped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes and at one point he said,”Lets’s get it on.”   What’s your favorite “Step Brothers” one-liner? Let us know in the comments section below or on Facebook and Twitter. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related Posts

40 Emily Dickinson Quotes & Poems On Love And Life

60 Inspirational Going The Extra Mile Quotes For Success

30 Street Smart Quotes To Inspire You To Be One

50 When It Rains It Pours Quotes To Stay Positive During Problems

Feeling Alone Quotes For When You Feel Sad And Lonely

80 great quotes about overcoming pain & feel stronger.

Step Brothers Script - Dialogue Transcript

Step brothers script.

Il Cialis è un farmaco molto noto nel campo della medicina, utilizzato principalmente per trattare la disfunzione erettile negli uomini. Agisce rilassando i vasi sanguigni, permettendo un maggior flusso di sangue verso il pene, fatto che contribuisca a raggiungere e mantenere un'erezione soddisfacente per i rapporti sessuali. Il Cialis è da utilizzare esclusivamente sotto prescrizione medica, poiché può interagire con altri farmaci o essere controindicato in certi casi. Scopri informazioni utili sul Cialis italiano qui "medtrust Cialis"

In un contesto completamente diverso, ci troviamo di fronte alla sceneggiatura dei Fratellastri. Questo film comico del 2008 ha come protagonisti due uomini adulti che diventano fratelli acquisiti quando i loro genitori si sposano. La sceneggiatura, spiritosa e ricca di battute, descrive la crescita tormentata e irresistibilmente comica di questa nuova famiglia. Fornisce allo spettatore una serie di risate grazie all'interazione tra i due personaggi principali e alla loro incapacità di comportarsi come dei veri fratelli 'adulti'. È una storia che combina satire sull'infanzia e sulla vita adulta, costringendo i due personaggi a confrontarsi con la loro maturità

50 Step Brothers Quotes That’ll Make You Laugh Hard

If you need some cheering up and laughter in your life, then these Step Brothers quotes are for you.

Step Brothers is a film about family, being yourself, and chasing your dreams. But, above all, it is one that will crack you up and give you your dose of daily laughter.

The plot is already hilarious, with two immature men in their 40s trying to live their way through life. So, there really was no shock when the film grossed millions of dollars in its release, especially with Will Ferrel and John Reilly’s expertise in comedy. Read our complete collection below to revisit this comedy masterpiece!

Start reading here.

And don’t forget to check out these Fast Times at Ridgemont High quotes and Wedding Crashers quotes .

Best Step Brothers Quotes

1. “Maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” – Brennan Huff

2. “Haha, that’s so funny. The last time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur!” – Dale Doback

3. “This is going to sound weird but, for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.” – Dale Doback

4. “Listen, gang, don’t be mad at Dale for ruining the story, and possibly, the evening.” – Derek Huff

5. “I am not the one staring at me.” – Brennan Huff

6. “When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus rex more than anything in the world. I made my arms short, and I roamed the backyard. I chased the neighborhood cats. I growled, and I roared. Everybody knew me and was afraid of me. And one day, my dad said, ‘Bobby, you’re 17. It’s time to throw childish things aside,’ and I said, ‘Okay, Pop.’ But he didn’t really say that. He said, ‘Stop being a f*cking dinosaur and get a job.'” – Robert Doback

7. “I’m f*cking miserable. I had to get up at 10 o’clock this morning.” – Dale Doback

8. “Did we just become best friends?” – Brennan Huff

9. “I used to smoke pot with John Hopkins. It was Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Kettering, and they would blaze that sh*t every day.” – Brennan Huff

10. “Don’t lose your dinosaur.” – Robert Doback

Funny Step Brothers Quotes

11. “Hey Derek, you know what’s always good for shoulder pain? If you lick my butthole.” – Brennan Huff

12. “You know what gets my dick hard? Helping out my friends.” – Derek Huff

13. “It’s just like cold case files, it’s just like cold case files.” – Dale Doback

14. “Here’s a scenario for you. Let’s say Nancy catches me getting out of the shower. And she thinks I look good. And she sees my chest pubes all the way down to my ball fro, and she says, ‘I’ve had the old bull. Now, I want the old calf.’ Then she grabs me by the weiner.” – Dale Doback

15. “I’ll lick the sh*t if you leave us alone.” – Dale Doback

16. “I pleasured myself this evening to the image of you punching my husband.” – Alice

17. “I feel like a lightning bolt just hit the tip of my penis.” – Brennan Huff

18. Dale Doback: “I’m Dale, but you have to call me Dragon.”

Brennan Huff: “You have to call me Nighthawk.”

19. “You’re not a doctor. You’re a big fat curly-headed f*ck.” – Brennan Huff

20. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!” – Brennan Huff

Also read: Funny Quotes

Step Brothers Quotes About the Drum Set

21. “I am warning you, if you touch my drums, I will stab you in the neck with a knife.” – Dale Doback

22. Dale Doback: “Did you rub your balls on my drums.”

Brennan Huff: “No, I was watching cops.”

23. Brennan Huff: “I teabagged your drum set!”

Dale Doback: “Oh yeah. Well, my drum set’s a guy, so that makes you gay!”

24. Brennan Huff: “Look, I didn’t touch your drum set, okay?”

Dale Doback: “I witnessed with my eyes your testicles touching my drum set.”

Also read: Caddyshack Quotes , Clerks Quotes

Step Brothers Quotes That’ll Tell You About Their Family Dynamics

25. “Dad, what a terrible idea. Why did you let us do that?” – Dale Doback

26. “My mom is being eaten by a dog, and there’s nothing I can do!” – Brennan Huff

27. “Dad, we’re men, okay? That means a few things. We like to sh*t with the door open. We talk about p*ssy. We go on riverboat gambling trips. We make our own beef jerky. That’s what we do. And now, that is all wrecked.” – Dale Doback

28. “Dad, what are you doing? It’s Shark Week!” – Dale Doback

29. “I’m not gonna call him dad, not even if there’s a fire.” – Brennan Huff

30. Dale Doback: “Dad, I’m doing this because I love you. F*ck you.”

Robert Doback: “Anything else?”

Dale Doback: “No, bon voyage! Have a great time!”

31. Dale Doback: “You and your mother are a bunch of hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors. The only reason we’re letting you live here is because me and my dad thought your mom was hot, and we thought we’d keep her around so we can both bang her, and we’ll deal with the ret*rd in the meantime.”

Brennan Huff: “Who’s the ret*rd?”

32. “You geriatric f*ck! You better keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother, who is a saint, or else I’ll shove one of your hearing devices up your *ss so you can hear the sound of your own small intestines producing sh*t!” – Brennan Huff

Also read: Family Quotes

Step Brothers Quotes to Learn About Music

33. “I’ve been called the songbird of my generation by people who’ve heard me. That good.” – Brennan Huff

34. “Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. I can’t even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.” – Dale Doback

35. “Flat. It’s so flat. I can’t even. I don’t even know. You don’t even look good while you’re singing. The worst thing I’ve ever heard. This is $1200 a week for voice lessons, and this is what I get? Okay, I’m gonna save it with the solo.” – Derek Huff

Also read: Music Quotes

Hilarious Step Brothers Quotes for a Day Full of Laughter

36. “When you fall asleep, I’m gonna punch you square in the face.” – Brennan Huff

37. Brennan Huff: “Well, Pan—am.” 

Pam Gringe: “No, my name is Pam.”

Brennan Huff: “Are you saying, Pan or Pam?”

38. Denise: “Brennan, I thought you were incredibly brave. And I mean that in strictly the most clinical and professional sense possible, with no emotional, intimate, sexual, or any other undertones that you could possibly infer.” 

Brennan Huff: “God, you’re gonna make me cry. What poem is that from? Is that James Joyce?”

39. “I know that you are technically married now, but that does not mean that they have to live here.” – Dale Doback

40. Manager: “Was that a fart?”

Dale Doback: “I don’t know.”

Manager: “I can taste it on my tongue.”

Dale Doback: “Okay, I’ll be honest with you. I did fart.”

Manager: “Is that onion? Onion. Onion, and ketchup. It stinks, and this is a small room.”

41. “Okay, on the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don’t even think about it. Just do it. One, two, three.” – Dale Doback

42. “Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta f*ck one, marry one, kill one. Go!” – Dale Doback

43. “I still hate you, but you have a pretty good collection of nudie magazines.” – Brennan Huff

More Step Brothers Quotes That Will Make You Chuckle

44. “Today, I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon.” – Nancy Huff

45. Robert Doback: “Is this your purse in the freezer?”

Nancy Huff: “Yes, it’s Brennan. He sleepwalks.”

46. Dale Doback: “Can we turn our beds into bunk beds?”

Brennan Huff: “It will give us so much extra space in our room to do activities!”

47. “One time, I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands.” – Dale Doback

48. “I’m gonna fill a pillowcase full of bars of soap and beat the sh*t out of you!” – Brennan Huff

49. “Robert better not get in my face ’cause I’ll drop that motherf*cker!” – Brennan Huff

50. “I want to roll you into a little ball and shove you up my vagina.” – Alice

More: Hot Rod Quotes

Did These Step Brothers Quotes Lighten Up Your Day?

There is nothing funnier than two overgrown men acting like kids and being ridiculous in life. So, watching Step Brothers is a time off from the seriousness of our daily lives full of work, stress, and responsibilities.

On the surface level, Step Brothers may just seem like a film of adults being idiotic and irresponsible. But, when you look at it closely, it conveys the celebration of staying true to ourselves and reaching our dreams. Without the brothers’ attitude in life, they would never succeed in music.

Overall, the film is a hilarious take on staying a child at heart. We hope that these quotes were able to motivate you to pursue what makes you happy. Keep doing what you want and enjoy life!

Which Step Brothers quote did you like the most? Have you watched the Step Brothers film? Leave a comment below!

• 30 Pretty in Pink Quotes to Remind You That You Are Enough
• 20 Pineapple Express Quotes to Help You Avoid Future Regrets
• 25 Onward Quotes to Help You Trust Your Capabilities

Karen Danao

Hi, I’m Karen , a content curator and writer for Quote Ambition; I’m also a marketing and advertising professional. Beyond the keyboard and the screen, I’m someone who’s out to enjoy every bit that life has to offer!

Poetry, philosophy, history, and movies are all topics I love writing about! However, my true passion is in traveling, photography, and finding common ground to which everyone from different cultures can relate.

With the many places I’ve been to, I found that love, inspiration, and happiness are some things that bring people together. No matter how different we are on the outside, I’m a true believer that our emotions don’t lie; if you dig deep into our psyche, we’re all the same inside.

This belief was further amplified when I joined Quote Ambition. Through the quotes I’ve read, collected, organized, and written about, I found that humans are resilient, creative, and compassionate.

We take from each others’ hearts and courage, and it’s through our individual experiences that we learn how to rise above our challenges and pain. In so many ways, Quote Ambition is a platform that allows people from all over the world to gain the inspiration they need anytime, anywhere!

You can find me on MuckRack and LinkedIn .

• Movie quotes
• Step Brothers

“Step Brothers” quotes

“- Nancy Huff: Guys. Guys. Guys! [both guys wake up and quote last line from their dreams] - Brennan Huff: I'll kill you, Leonard Nimoy. - Dale Doback: The clown has no penis . - Nancy Huff: What kind of dreams are you guys having?” Mary Steenburgen - Nancy Huff Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff John C. Reilly - Dale Doback

“- Brennan Huff: You know what? I still hate you, but you got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags. - Dale Doback: Yeah, I got 'em from the 70's, 80's and 90's. It's like masturbating in a time machine.” Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff John C. Reilly - Dale Doback

“- Brennan Huff: Hey Derek, you know what's good for shoulder pain? - Derek: What? - Brennan Huff: If you lick my butt hole.” Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff Adam Scott - Derek

- Dale Doback: Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good, got a luscious V of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes, "oh, my God, I've had the old bull, now I want the young calf", and she grabs me by the weiner. - Dr. Robert Doback: Shut the... (continue) (continue reading) John C. Reilly - Dale Doback Richard Jenkins - Dr. Robert Doback

- Brennan Huff: Mom , I honestly thought I was gonna be raped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes. And at one point he said, "lets get it on". - Dale Doback: That was about the fighting. I am so not a raper! - Brennan Huff: Look, I didn't touch your drum set, okay? - Dale Doback: I witnessed with my eyes your testicles touching my... (continue) (continue reading) Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff John C. Reilly - Dale Doback

“I swear, I'm so pissed off at my mom . As soon as she's of age, I'm putting her in a home.” Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff

“- Dale Doback: Why do you have Randy Jackson's autograph on a martial arts weapon? - Brennan Huff: 'Cause I bumped into him and all I had on me was this samurai sword. And you're not gonna not get Randy Jackson's autograph, right? - Dale Doback: I would've done the exact same thing.” John C. Reilly - Dale Doback Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff

- Dale Doback: I work at a college as a janitor even though I feel like I'm smarter than most of the people who go there. Sometimes I see an equation written on a blackboard like half an equation and... I just figure it out. - Male Therapist : Is this "Good Will Hunting"? - Dale Doback: No. - Male Therapist : It sounds a lot like the plot of "Good... (continue) (continue reading) John C. Reilly - Dale Doback Ian Roberts - Male Therapist

“- Derek: You mess with my nut, Brennan, Randy here is gonna eat your dick. - Randy: Like Kobayashi. [makes eating noise] - Derek: I've seen him do it. - Brennan Huff: You've actually seen him eating a man's penis ? - Derek: It was in international waters, so they couldn't prosecute him. But I saw it.” Adam Scott - Derek Rob Riggle - Randy Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff

- Dale Doback: Why are you so sweaty? - Brennan Huff: I was watching " Cops ". John C. Reilly - Dale Doback Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff

“- Brennan Huff: This house is a fucking prison ! - Dale Doback: On Planet Bullshit! - Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!” Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff John C. Reilly - Dale Doback

One day my dad said, "Bobby, you are 17. It's time to throw childish things aside", and I said, "okay, Pop". But he didn't really say that, he said, "stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job". Richard Jenkins - Dr. Robert Doback

“- Dr. Robert Doback: You have one month to find jobs or you're out on your asses. I will arrange interviews for Monday and you will go! - Dale Doback: Dad , why are you talking to me like this? I'm your son. - Dr. Robert Doback: I'm not buying that crap anymore!” Richard Jenkins - Dr. Robert Doback John C. Reilly - Dale Doback

“- Brennan Huff: I remember my first beer. - Dale Doback: That's so funny , the first time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.” Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff John C. Reilly - Dale Doback

“- Dale Doback: Okay, I'll be honest with you. I did fart. - Sporting Goods Manager : Is that onion? Onion and... Onion and ketchup. It stinks. And this is a small room .” John C. Reilly - Dale Doback Seth Rogen - Sporting Goods Manager

“- Dale Doback: Dad , we're men. That means a few things, we like to shit with the door open, we talk about pussy, we go on riverboat gambling trips , and we make our own beef jerky. That's what we do, and now that is all wrecked. - Dr. Robert Doback: We literally have never done any of those things.” John C. Reilly - Dale Doback Richard Jenkins - Dr. Robert Doback

“- Dale Doback: You and your mom are hilbillies. This is a house of learned doctors. - Brennan Huff: You're not a doctor... you're a big, fat, curly-headed fuck!” John C. Reilly - Dale Doback Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff

“- Brennan Huff: I did start taking baby aspirin . To reduce my risk for heart attack . - Dale Doback: That makes sense . You gotta keep an eye on it.” Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff John C. Reilly - Dale Doback

“- Nancy Huff: What about you Tiffany, what did you get for Christmas? - Tiffany: I got this Mikimoto pearl necklace , but next year I'm gonna ask Santa for breast implants because I'm impatient with my body.” Mary Steenburgen - Nancy Huff Elizabeth Yozamp - Tiffany

You know that one scene in "The Wizard Of Oz"... when the flying monkeys pull apart the scarecrow? That's what it was like. John C. Reilly - Dale Doback

• intelligence
• pornography
• complaining
• masturbation

MovieQuotes.com © 1998-2024 | All rights reserved

• Movie quotes
• Step Brothers (2008)

Step Brothers (2008) quotes

Director Adam McKay.

Cast Will Ferrell. John C. Reilly. Mary Steenburgen.

Two aimless middle-aged losers still living at home are forced against their will to become roommates when their parents marry.

This house is a fucking prison! – Brennan Huff On Planet Bullshit! – Dale Doback In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks! – Brennan Huff

Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I’m looking good, got a luscious V of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes, ” Oh, my God, I’ve had the old bull, now I want the young calf,” and she grabs me by the weiner. – Dale Doback Shut the fuck up! – Dr. Robert Doback

I’m not gonna call him Dad. – Brennan Huff Brennan, you’re 39 years old. I wouldn’t expect you to call him Dad. – Nancy Huff Well I’m not going to, *ever*! Even if there’s a fire! – Brennan Huff

I swear, I’m so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she’s of age, I’m putting her in a home. – Brennan Huff

You and your mom are hilbillies. This is a house of learned doctors. – Dale Doback You’re not a doctor… you’re a big, fat, curly-headed fuck! – Brennan Huff

I’m going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you! – Brennan Huff

What do we do now? – Derek We could hug. – Brennan Huff Yeah, you’d like that, faggot!… Sorry. – Derek

Why are you so sweaty? – Dale Doback I was watching Cops. – Brennan Huff

You have the voice of an angel. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus. – Dale Doback

So, Dale. I don’t know how much you know about therapy, but it usually starts by you telling me a little something about yourself. – Male Therapist I work at a college as a janitor even though I feel like I’m smarter than most of the people who go there. Sometimes I see an equation written on a blackboard like half an equation and… I just figure it out. – Dale Doback Is this Good Will Hunting? – Male Therapist No. – Dale Doback It sounds a lot like the plot of Good Will Hunting. – Male Therapist Yeah, anyway. My best friend is Ben Affleck… – Dale Doback

I’m just saying, you need to think about your options. I know you two are technically married but that does not mean that they have to live here. – Dale Doback Dale, I think it’s time for a change. For both of us. – Dr. Robert Doback Dad, we’re men. That means a few things – we like to shit with the door open, we talk about pussy, we go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. That’s what we do, and now that is all wrecked. – Dale Doback We literally have never done any of those things. – Dr. Robert Doback

I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins. – Brennan Huff You dont know anyone named Johnny Hopkins. – Nancy Huff It was Johnny Hopkins, and Sloan Kettering, and they were blazin’ that shit up everyday. – Brennan Huff

I wanna roll you up in a little ball and shove you up my vagina… You could just live there, it’s warm and it’s cozy… Oh I’d just walk around with you in there and just knowing, whenever I feel a little tickle or scratch it’s your hair on my vagina! – Alice

Hey Derek, you know what’s good for shoulder pain? – Brennan Huff What? – Derek If you lick my butt hole. – Brennan Huff

This wedding is horse shit! – Brennan Huff

You jagaloons! You’re failures! FAILURES! – Dr. Robert Doback Hey, you’re embarrassing yourself, you geriatric fuck! – Brennan Huff Brennan. – Nancy Huff Two things: You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother. She’s a saint! And then you sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $10,000. – Brennan Huff Oh, stop it! Stop it right… – Nancy Huff Or I’m gonna shove one of those fake hearing devices so far up your ass… – Brennan Huff Brennan! – Nancy Huff …you can hear the sound of your small intestine as it produces shit! – Brennan Huff

You know what? I still hate you, but you got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags. – Brennan Huff Yeah, I got ’em from the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. It’s like masturbating in a time machine. – Dale Doback

We’re here to fuck shit up! – Dale Doback

Boats and hoes! – Dale Doback

Listen, I know that we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale. – Brennan Huff I would follow you into the mists of Avalon if that’s what you mean. – Dale Doback

Stay golden, Ponyboy. – Alice

Robert better not get in my face… ’cause I’ll drop that motherfucker! – Brennan Huff Jesus, Brennan! – Nancy Huff

Your drumset’s a whore! I tea bagged your drumset! – Brennan Huff My drumset’s a guy so it makes you gay, you fucker! – Dale Doback

Brennan has a man-gina! – Derek

You yelled “rape” at the top of your lungs. – Nancy Huff Mom, I honestly thought I was gonna be raped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes. And at one point he said, “Lets get it on.” – Brennan Huff That was about the fighting. I am so not a raper! – Dale Doback Look, I didn’t touch your drum set, okay? – Brennan Huff I witnessed with my eyes your testicles touching my drum set. – Dale Doback

When I was a kid, when I was a little boy, I always wanted to be a dinosaur. I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex more than anything in the world. I made my arms short and I roamed the backyard, I chased the neighborhood cats, I growled and I roared. Everybody knew me and was afraid of me. And one day my dad said, “Bobby, you are 17. It’s time to throw childish things aside,” and I said, “Okay, Pop.” But he didn’t really say that, he said, “Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job.” – Dr. Robert Doback

I tea-bagged your drum set! – Brennan Huff

Dad, what are you doing? It’s Shark Week. – Dale Doback

Brennan you’re alive! Oh my God! – Dale Doback I know. I’m alive. – Brennan Huff You were dead. I saw you die. – Dale Doback I was faking. I used ninja focus to slow my heart rate down. – Brennan Huff

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki! – Brennan Huff

I remember my first beer. – Brennan Huff That’s so funny the first time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur. – Dale Doback

I remember my first beer. – Brennan Huff

It’s the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer. – Derek

I manage a baseball team. – Dale Doback Oh, little league? – Nancy Huff Fantasy league. – Dale Doback

Please leave us alone Mr. Gardocki! – Dale Doback

I have a green belt… read it and weep. – Brennan Huff I don’t believe in belts. – Dale Doback

I know it seems hard, but it’s the best thing for both of you. We do it because we love you. – Dr. Robert Doback Dad, I’m doing this because I love you: Fuck you! – Dale Doback

• ABBREVIATIONS
• BIOGRAPHIES
• CALCULATORS
• CONVERSIONS
• DEFINITIONS

Step Brothers

Brennan Huff: (Banging Dale's snare drum with his scrotum) John Bonham's playing Moby Dick for real!

Brennan Huff: (Playing with Dale's drumset, as he yells in one of the drums) F*** YOU, DALE! F*** YOU!!

Brennan Huff: (Sleep-talking) I'll kill you, Leonard Nimoy.

Brennan Huff: (At Derek's birthday gathering, during his and Dale's presentation of Prestige Worldwide) Last week, we put Liquid Paper on a bee... And it died.

Brennan Huff: (Wearing a Nazi outfit, to some home buyers) Hey, f***ers! Welcome to the neighborhood! My name is Craig. If you guys need any fertilizer, I've got a lot of it; Close to 80 tons. (to Derek, after the home buyers leave) Hey, Derek! Sprechen Sie Dick?

Brennan Huff: (In regards to Robert and Nancy, who are retiring, selling their residence and having him and Dale live on their own as adults) Hold on; We're not going on the boat... Derek's selling the house... We have to go therapy? (Robert nods in response) WHAT THE F*** HAPPENED!?

Brennan Huff: (After singing for Dale, upon his request) I felt like I was hovering over my own body, watching myself sing.

Brennan Huff: (On Christmas Day, regarding his Chewbacca mask) It's okay that mine's not movie quality.

Brennan: I'm not gonna call him [Robert] "Dad".

Nancy: Brennan, you're 39 years old. I would not expect you to call him "Dad".

Brennan: Well, I'm not going to. Ever. Even if there's a fire!

Brennan: Robert better not get in my face... 'cause I'll drop that motherf***er.

Nancy: Jesus, Brennan!

Brennan: Where did he go to medical school?

Nancy: He went to Northwestern and Johns Hopkins, is that good enough for you?

Brennan: No, it's not.

Nancy: Well, Brennan, those are very prestigious schools.

Brennan: I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.

Nancy: You don't know anyone named Johnny Hopkins.

Brennan: It was Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Kettering. And they were blazing that sh*t up every day.

Dale: You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learn-ed doctors.

Brennan: You're not a doctor...you're a big, fat, curly-headed f***!

Dale: Why are you so sweaty?

Brennan: I was watching Cops.

Brennan: Did we just become best friends?

Brennan: Do you wanna do Karate in the garage?

Brennan: This house is a f***ing prison!

Dale: On planet Bullshit!

Brennan: In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel D*cks!

Dale: (Is inside of the hole) What are you doing?

Brennan: (As he's shoveling dirt on Dale) I'm burying you!

Dale: (Sobbing) But I'm alive! Brennan, I'm alive!

Brennan: (Continues burying him) You're waking the neighbors! Shut up!!

Brennan: Now I'm gonna play your drum set!

Dale: Help me!

Brennan: Close your eyes. Let the dirt just shower over you.

Robert: (Turns off TV)

Brennan: What the f***?!

Dale: Dad! What are you doing? It's Shark Week!

Robert: Here's the deal. Number one, you are gonna fix the f***ing dry wall, NOW!

Brennan: Hey. Are you awake?

Dale: Yeah. I can't believe we have actually have to move out of this house.

Brennan: I know. I feel bad.

Dale: Hey, you know, we don't have to whisper anymore. Mom and Dad aren't here.

Brennan: Yeah, but can we keep doing it, though? It helps me pretend that they are.

Dale: You must feel just terrible. I mean, I know I feel bad.

Brennan: Yeah.

Dale: But I can't imagine how you feel...after my dad looked right at you and said...it's all your fault that they broke up.

Brennan: That's funny, because my mom said; "If that curly-headed f*** Dale wasn't here, everything would be perfect."

Dale: (Switches the lamp on) You take that back.

Brennan: No way. It's your fault.

Dale: (He and Brennan get up from their beds) You know what your problem is? You live in a fantasy land, you refuse to get a job, and you don't even know what it's like to work for something!

Brennan: You don't take responsibility for your actions! And that's why this is all your fault!

Dale: Well, you're a mama's boy who's too chicken to sing in public! (Brennan frustratingly walks out of the room) Yeah, that's right. Run away, little boy! You know it's true! Just avoid everything! (Later, he hears drumming sounds) What are you doing?!

Brennan: (singing) "Dale broke up Mom and Dad..."

Dale: MOTHERF***ER!! (Screams while he runs toward the room where Brennan is playing his drum set; with Brennan distracted, Dale thereupon grabs a cymbal and bashes Brennan in the head with it)

Robert: (About his dream to be a dinosaur) So I thought, I'll be a doctor for a little while...and then go back to that.

Brennan: How is that even a skill?

Dale: (Pops up from the tree house's entrance) You're right about your brother. (climbs inside) Total dick.

Brennan: (Is reading a pornographic magazine) Told you. You know what? I still hate you, but you've got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags.

Dale: (Also reads one) Yeah, I got them from the '70's, '80's and '90's. It's like masturbating in a time machine.

Brennan: Hey Derek, you know what's good for shoulder pain?

Derek: What?

Brennan: If you lick my butthole.

Dale: SNAP!! (He and Brennan do a high-five)

Dale: Can we turn our beds into bunkbeds?

Brennan: It will give us so much extra space in our room to do activities!

Robert: You don't need permission from us to build bunkbeds. You're adults, you can do what you want.

Dale: So...?

Robert: I'm not making myself clear... I don't give a f***; now you both have several interviews tomorrow. I would think you'd be focused on that and not building bunkbeds.

Brennan: We can..? No?

Nancy: Yes.

Brennan: Thanks. You guys are not gonna regret it.

Dale: This is the funnest night ever!

Dale: (Regarding the job interviews that occurred) Is my dad mad about the stuff that happened?

Nancy: Robert was very upset, yes. He knows that you interviewed as a team. And he heard about the fart.

Brennan: Oh, he did?

Nancy: Yeah. You just couldn't hold it, or...?

Dale: No. I thought it was gonna be silent.

Brennan: It was not silent...

Dale: It just kept going...

Brennan: It got louder...

Dale: It made a sound. It was embarrassing...

Brennan: It got louder.

Sporting goods manager: I'm looking to hire guys I don't mind hanging out with for 12 hours a day. You guys seem like cool guys. Got hair similar to mine, you wear tuxedo's to the interview, that's funny, it's ironic, I get that. Underplaying tho whole formality of it. I think that's funny as hell. So...lets do this, you know? You guys are in, you're hired. Unless you're the weirdest guys ever and I don't see it.

Brennan: Great.

Sporting goods manager: ...Was that a fart?

Dale: I don't know.

Sporting Goods manager: I can taste it. On my tongue.

Dale: Okay, I'll be honest with you. I did fart.

Sporting Goods manager: Is that onion? Onion and...onion and ketchup. It stinks. This is a small room...

Brennan: Sh*t.

Sporting Goods manager: Okay, now the tuxedos seem kinda f***ed up.

Dale: Dad, I can't believe you're being so stingy!

Nancy: Robert, come back down!

Brennan: It's a simple business decision!

Robert: You jagaloons! Your're failures! FAIL!...UUUURES!

Brennan: And you're embarrassing yourself, you geriatric f***!

Nancy: Brennan!

Brennan: Two things; you keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother! She's a saint! And then you sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $10,000!

Nancy: Oh, stop it! Stop it right now..!

Brennan: Or I'm gonna shove one of those fake hearing devices so far up your ass...

Brennan: ...you can hear the sound of your small intestine as it produces SH*T!!!

Brennan: Listen, I know we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me, against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.

Dale: I would follow you into the mists of Avalon, if that's what you mean.

Dale: (To Brennan, believing he touched his drum set) Hey, man. Did you touch my drum set?

Brennan: Nope.

Dale: It's just weird 'cause...it seems like someone definitely touched my drum set.

Brennan: Yeah, that is weird, 'cause I didn't touch em'.

Dale: (Throws Brennan's feet off the couch) Hey! (Angrily) Did you touch my drum set?!

Brennan: Hey, knock it off!

Dale: I know you touched my drum STICK. 'Cause the left one has a chip in it!

Brennan: Are you f***ing crazy, man? You sound insane. Do you realize that? You should be medicated.

Dale: F*** you, Brennan! I know you touched my drum set, and I wanna hear that dirty little mouth admit it!

Brennan: You get out of my face, or I'm gonna roundhouse your ass!

Dale: You swear on your mom's life you didn't touch it then?!

Brennan: I don't have to swear to sh*t!

Dale: That's 'cause you f***ing touched my drum set, 'cause I KNOW, Cops doesn't start till 4:00!

Brennan: (Begins to leave the living room)

Dale: Where you going?

Brennan: I'm going upstairs. Cause I'm gonna put my nutsack on your drum set! Okay!? (He walks upstairs)

Dale: Don't you do that! I am WARNING you right now! If you touch my drums, I will stab you, IN THE NECK, WITH A KNIFE!

Robert: That's enough ketchup...Come on, Dale. (Pounds the table)

Dale: I like it!

Robert: That's enough.

Nancy: (As Brennan takes a small bowl of sauce from the table) Dale, I don't know if you...you might wanna try this. I make a sauce, we call it "fancy sauce"...

Brennan: (Begins pouring the sauce on his meal) For me.

Nancy: ...That Brennan really likes with his chicken nuggets.

Brennan: It's my fancy sauce.

Nancy: Well, when Brennan finishes I'll give you some of this, and its...its just ketchup and mayonnaise mixed together, so..

Brennan: Its so good.

Dale: I want some fancy sauce.

Brennan: I'm not done using it.

Robert: Looks good.

Dale: Can I have some fancy sauce?

Nancy: Of course, of course.

Brennan: I'm using it right now

Nancy: So, let's let him try some. You wanna try some, Dale?

Dale: Yeah, I really would like some.

Brennan: Just one last spoonful. (Stops pouring the fancy sauce)

Nancy: Hey, I think you've got enough there, Brennan. So here you go. It's ketchup and mayonnaise.

Dale: Thanks. (Sniffs the sauce) Ugh! I don't like it. It smells weird.

Nancy: Okay.

Robert: I'll try some.

Nancy: You want some?

Robert: Sure, absolutely.

Nancy: Okay. You don't mind do you Brennan?

Brennan: No. (Brennan stops Robert from taking the sauce with his hand)

Nancy: Brennan..

Brennan: I'm not comfortable...

Robert: It's okay. It's probably not good on fish, anyway.

Dale: But my dad's king of the castle, so if he want fancy sauce, he should...

Robert: No, it's all right, Dale...

Brennan: Well, if he wants fancy sauce, he can make his own batch.

Nancy: (To Brennan) So you know what? Today while you were driving around, Dale was telling me that he's really into Kung Fu, and I was telling him that you're really into Kung Fu as well.

Brennan: I have a green belt...read it and weep.

Dale: I don't believe in belts. There should be no ranking system for toughness. But one time, I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands.

Robert: That's not true Dale, don't be ridiculous. (Dale looks down)

Nancy: So, Dale what have you been working on recently?

Dale: Well...I manage a baseball team.

Nancy: Little League?

Dale: Fantasy League.

Dale: Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer.

Robert: Why don't you stop being so... confrontational, Dale?

Dale: I'm not the one staring at me!

Robert: So, Brennan, what about you? I know you used to work at PetSmart.

Brennan: That's right Mr. Doback.

Robert: Call me Robert.

Brennan: That's right, Robin.

Robert: Robert.

Brennan: (Under his breath) ....Robin.

Nancy: Actually, Brennan is a really talented person. He's a very gifted singer.

Brennan: I'm really really good.

Dale: How good?

Brennan: I've been called, "the song bird, of my generation"...THAT good.

Nancy: The only thing is, Brennan's very... particular about who he sings in front of so... I'm his mom, for example, and I've only heard him sing... twice.

Dale: That's funny that you say that, because I can sing too. In fact, I'll sing right now. (Singing) If you wanna get down on these hairy balls...

Robert: HEY!

Dale: Why don't you jump right in? It's a crotch party right up in here!

Robert: Stop it!

Dale: Why don't you suck on this big john?

Robert: Stop it, Dale! Stop it, stop it!

Brennan: (Sarcastically) That's cute. I remember when I had my first beer.

Dale: (Sarcastically laughs) That's so funny the last time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.

Pam: (Interviewing Brennan) Well, Brennan you certainly have had a lot of jobs.

Brennan: I'm a bit of a spark plug...and, Human Resources Lady, I think...

Pam: You know, actually, it's Pam.

Brennan: I'm sorry. Well, Pan...

Pam: No, my name is PAM.

Brennan: Are you saying Pam? or Pan?

Pam: I'm saying Pam. Yeah, I'm sorry, who is this gentlemen behind you? (Dale pokes his head out from behind Brennan)

Dale: Hello, Ms. Lady! I'm Dale, I'm Brennan's stepbrother, and I think I may be able to help with the Pan-Pam dilemma.

Brennan: Yeah, that'd be great.

Brennan: Pand...There's a D on the end.

Dale: With an M.

Pam: There's no D. it's Pam.

Dale: It's like "Comb" except P-A-N-M. N-N. There's two N's.

Brennan: Two M's. That was the confusion.

Pam: I think we've had enough...

Brennan: Shush up for one second. Shut your mouth. Wait. Shut your mouth.

Pam: I'm sorry what did you say?

Brennan: You're just coming off stupid.

Pam: Oh. I'm coming off stupid? You're wearing tuxedos to a job that requires you to clean bathrooms! Please leave this office. We're done with this interview.

Brennan: Do we get any kind of souvenir?

Pam" Get out of my office!!

Brennan: The Nina, the Pinta, the Santa Maria. I'll do you in the bottom while you're drinking sangria!

Dale: Nachos and Lemonheads...

Both: ...on my dad's boat!

Dale: You won't go down, 'cause my dick can float!

Brennan: We sail around the world, and go port to port. Every time I "cum" I produce a quart.

Nancy: That is offensive, Brennan, Dale.

Brennan: Deadliest Catch without the crabs, we're almost out of gas...

Both: Call the Arabs!

Dale: Pull up the anchor, 'cause we're leaving dry land! Get below deck...

Both: ...with a dick in your hand!

Background voice: Boats and hoes, boats and hoes, I gotta have me my boats and hoes...

Randy: (To Brennan) Not bad. You're nailing it.

Brennan: Thanks, Randy. That means a lot.

Randy: Yeah. I don't know what it is, but I wanna deliver one of these (Holds up fist) right into your suckhole.

Brennan: Is there anything I can do?

Randy: No, not really. It's your face. Again, you're doing great, man, The Catalina Wine Mixer. We're all having a great time, having fun. You pulled it off...but if you don't change your face... I'm gonna change it for you.

Brennan: Okay, okay. All I can do is take that in, consider it...And I'll just do my best version of whatever I think that would be.

Randy: I don't even hear you, your face is driving me nuts.

Brennan: Thanks again, though.

Randy: (Distracted) Oh tits, hold on. (Walks away)

Nancy: Today, I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon. You yelled "rape" at the top of your lungs.

Brennan: Mom, I honestly thought I was going to be raped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes, and at one point he said, "Let's get it on".

Dale: That was about the fighting! I'm so not a raper!

Dale: Dad. We're men, okay? That means a few things; we like to sh*t with the door open, we talk about p*ssy, we like to go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. That's what we do. And now that is all wrecked.

Robert: (Thinks for a minute) We literally have never done any of those things.

Dale: The only reason you're living here is because me and my dad decided that your mom was really hot, and maybe we should just both bang her, and we'll put up with the retard in the meantime.

Brennan: Who's the retard?

Brennan: (Loudly) Hey ya'll don't say that!

Dale: Shut up! You'll wake up my dad and get me grounded.

Brennan: (Softly) Just shut up.

Brennan: You're not a doctor... You're a big, fat, curly-headed f***.

Dale: (Turns towards Brennan) Oh, yeah?

Brennan: (Turns towards Dale) Yeah.

Dale: I'm a curly-headed f***?

Brennan: Yeah. You better not go to sleep. As soon as your eyes shut, I'm gonna punch you square in the face.

Dale: I hope you stay still when you sleep... because I'm putting a rat trap between your legs.

Brennan: I'm gonna take a pillow case... and fill it... full of bars of soap, and beat the sh*t out of you. (Dale turns away from Brennan)

Dale: I want you out of my f***ing house.

Brennan: No way, Kemosabe. This is my house now.

Dale: Alright, here's a scenario for you, Dad. Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good. I've got a luscious V of hair going from my chest pubes down to my ball-fro. And she takes one look at me, and she goes: 'Oh, my God. I've had the old bull, now I want the young calf.' And she grabs me by the wiener...

Robert: Shut the f*** up!!

Brennan: Listen. Mom...Mr. Doback.

Robert: Don't call me Mr. Doback.

Brennan: Ok...Mom, Doback.

Brennan: I teabagged your drum set! Your drum set's a whore!

Dale: Well, my drum set's a guy, so that makes you gay, you f***er!

Gardocki: Well, if it isn't Dale Doback and his little butt-buddy.

Brennan: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I'm gonna kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!

Gardocki: LET'S GET THEM!! (The children and Dale and Brennan begin charging at each other, resulting in a fight)

Dale: Where do you think you're going?

Brennan: (with Dale) Huh?

Gardocki: Home.

Dale: We got something to show you.

Brennan: Come on. (Later, they torture Gardocki with white dog excrement, as Brennan is holding him by the neck) You see that white dog crap?!

Dale: Do you see it?!

Gardocki: Yeah!

Dale: Not too fun down there, is it?!

Gardocki: No!

Brennan: You see, your actions have consequences!

Dale: When you oppress people, they rise up in a fiery anger!!

Brennan: (releases Gardocki, who runs away in defeat) Go home!

Dale: We're not like you! We're grownups, motherf***er!

Brennan: Say "hi" to your dad! We went to high school together!

Robert better not get in my face, because ill drop that f***er

Brennan: (Is reading a pornographic magazine) Told you.

Robert: You jagaloons! You're failures! FAILURES!

Brennan: Hey, you listen to me, you geriatric f***! Two things! You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother! She's a saint! And then you sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $10,000!

Nancy: Oh, stop it.

bruh moment

Dale: Whose fault is it? Oh, I wanna f***ing know!

Robert: Let's cut this sh*t, it is-it is directly your fault.

Nancy: Robert...

(Robert holds his neck in pain)

Robert: You destroyed my boat, you beat me up in your sleep, and worst of all, you made Nancy and I resent each other. It is absolutely 150% your fault!

Derek: Of course it's their fault. They're the two biggest d*ckheads in the world, and they're living in your house.

Nancy: (Sternly) Derek.

Derek: I'm sorry, but--

(Brennan starts sobbing)

Share your thoughts on Step Brothers's quotes with the community:

Report Comment

We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe. If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly.

You need to be logged in to favorite .

Create a new account.

Your name: * Required

Your email address: * Required

Pick a user name: * Required

Username: * Required

Password: * Required

Forgot your password?    Retrieve it

Quote of the Day Today's Quote  |  Archive

Would you like us to send you a free inspiring quote delivered to your inbox daily.

Please enter your email address:

Use the citation below to add this movie page to your bibliography:

Style: MLA Chicago APA

"Step Brothers Quotes." Quotes.net. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 5 Sep. 2024. < https://www.quotes.net/movies/step_brothers_quotes_13936 >.

Know another quote from Step Brothers?

Don't let people miss on a great quote from the "step brothers" movie - add it here, the web's largest resource for, famous quotes & sayings, a member of the stands4 network, our favorite collection of, famous movies.

Browse Quotes.net

Are you a quotes master, who wrote the republic.

• Rooting for the Underdogs
• Funniest Movies
• The Best Movies of All Time
• What to Watch Again and Again
• The 200+ Best Feel-Good Movies Of All Time
• Must-Sees from Decades Past
• Four Stars from Roger Ebert
• 100% Approval on Rotten Tomatoes
• Best Biopics About Real People
• Rainy Day Movies
• Great Very Long Movies
• Directed by Women
• Chick Flicks
• Adventures Films
• Revenge Flicks
• Very Dark Heroes
• Movies About Letting Go

• Columbia Pictures

The Best 'Step Brothers' Quotes, Ranked

Unleash a riot of laughter as you embark on a retrospective journey through one of the most quotable comedies of our time –  Step Brothers . This comedic gem, packed to the brim with hysterical banter, outlandish situations, and unforgettable one-liners, has seared itself into the collective pop culture consciousness, earning a unique status as an endlessly rewatchable classic. This hilarious film, which delves into the chaotic lives of two 40-something yet boyish-at-heart stepbrothers, serves up a humor-filled banquet of laughter and entertainment. Its idiosyncratic lines, brimming with absurdity and wit, have transformed many of its scenes into iconic moments, blurring the lines between comedy and everyday parlance. Our meticulously curated compilation captures the film's essence, offering a cornucopia of memorable quotes that echo through viewers' minds, inciting chuckles and fond memories of the stepbrothers' experience. From playful insults and unexpected punchlines to hilariously strange exchanges, these quotes encapsulate the film's thrilling comedic roller-coaster ride that meanders through the wildly amusing lives of its eccentric characters. Featuring infamous lines thrown by the stepbrother duo on their absurdly funny journey, this collection is sure to spark bouts of laughter. It celebrates the irreverent humor woven into the fabric of Step Brothers whilst offering a delightful reminder about why this transcendent film continues to be a modern classic. Prepare to reacquaint yourself with the whimsical charm of the Step Brothers movie through these side-splittingly funny lines that pack a punch of humor, eccentricity, and a healthy dose of nostalgia. Rediscover the unabashed fun, the comedic wit, and the sheer absurdity that this film boasts through its artfully crafted dialogues. This compilation is more than just a collection of quotes. It's an invitation to relive the unparalleled comedic brilliance and charm that Step Brothers gifted to viewers worldwide. So, come along, indulge, vote, and let’s dive deep into the comic genius of one of the most beloved comedy classics of our time!

No Television

Dr. Robert Doback : Alright, that's it! You guys leave me no choice! No television for a week!

Dale Doback : WHAT!?

Nancy Huff : We are so serious!

Brennan Huff : You're f*ckin' high!

Nancy Huff : This remote goes in Robert's room and it stays there...

Brennan Huff : This house is a f*cking prison!

Dale Doback : On Planet Bullsh*t!

Brennan Huff : In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel D*cks!

Hillbillies

Dale Doback : You and your mom are hilbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.

Brennan Huff : You're not a doctor... you're a big, fat, curly-headed f*ck!

Brennan Huff : Boats and h*es!

Dale Doback : Gotta have me my boats and h*es!

The Exact Same Thing

Dale Doback : Why do you have Randy Jackson’s autograph on a martial arts weapon?

Brennan Huff : Cause I bumped into him and all I had on me was this samurai sword. And you’re not gonna not get Randy Jackson’s autograph, right?

Dale Doback : I would’ve done the exact same thing.

Dale Doback : Why are you so sweaty?

Brennan Huff : I was watching Cops .

I Just Figure It Out

Dale Doback : I work at a college as a janitor even though I feel like I'm smarter than most of the people who go there. Sometimes, I see an equation written on a blackboard like half an equation and... I just figure it out.

Touch My Drums

Dale Doback : I am warning you: if you touch my drums, I will stab you in the neck with a knife.

Catches Me Out Of The Shower

Dale Doback : Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good, got a luscious V of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes, " Oh, my God, I've had the old bull, now I want the young calf," and she grabs me by the weiner.

For A Second

Brennan Huff : Mom, I honestly thought I was gonna be r*ped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes. And at one point he said, "Let's get it on."

Brennan Huff : Your drumset's a wh*re! I tea bagged your drumset!

Dale Doback : My drumset's a guy, so it makes you gay, you f*cker!

Shoulder Pain

Brennan Huff : Hey Derek, you know what's good for shoulder pain?

Derek : What?

Brennan Huff : If you lick my b*tthole.

Better Not Go To Sleep

Brennan Huff : Yeah. You better not go to sleep, cause as soon as your eyes shut I'm gonna punch you square in the face.

Dale Doback : I hope you stay still when you sleep, cause I'm gonna put a rat trap between your legs.

Brennan Huff : I'm going to take a pillowcase, and fill it full of bars of soap, and beat the sh*t out of you.

Sticks And Stones

Brennan Huff : Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!

Dr. Robert Doback : When I was a kid, when I was a little boy, I always wanted to be a dinosaur. I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex more than anything in the world. I made my arms short, and I roamed the back yard. I chased the neighborhood cats. I growled and I roared. Everybody knew me and was afraid of me, and one day my dad said, “Bobby, you are 17. It’s time to throw childish things aside,” and I said, “OK, Pop,” but he didn’t really say that. He said, “Stop being a f*cking dinosaur and get a job."

Catalina Wine Mixer

Brennan Huff : It's the f*cking Catalina Wine Mixer.

Hearing Devices

Dr. Robert Doback : You jagaloons! You're failures! FAILURES!

Brennan Huff : Hey, you're embarrassing yourself, you geriatric f*ck!

Nancy Huff : Brennan.

Brennan Huff : Two things: You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother. She's a saint! And then you sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $10,000.

Nancy Huff : Oh, stop it! Stop it right...

Brennan Huff : Or I'm gonna shove one of those fake hearing devices so far up your *ss...

Nancy Huff : Brennan!

Brennan Huff : ...you can hear the sound of your small intestine as it produces sh*t!

She's Your Therapist

Nancy Doback : Brennan, Denise called and she said she can't spend New Year's Eve with you because she's not your girlfriend, she's your therapist.

Best Friends

Dale Doback : On the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don't even think about it. Just name it. Ready? One, two, three.

Dale Doback, Brennan Huff : Velociraptor.

Brennan Huff : Favorite non-p*rnographic magazine to m*sturbate to.

Dale Doback, Brennan Huff : Good Housekeeping .

Brennan Huff : If you were a chick, who's the one guy you'd sleep with?

Dale Doback, Brennan Huff : John Stamos.

Dale Doback : [stomps foot] What?

Brennan Huff : Did we just become best friends?

Dale Doback : Yep!

[they high five each other]

Brennan Huff : Do you wanna do karate in the garage?

Terrible Idea

Dale Doback : (after the bunk beds fell on Brennan) Dad, what a terrible idea. Why did you let us do that?

Time Machine

Brennan Huff : You know what? I still hate you, but you got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags.

Dale Doback : Yeah, I got 'em from the 70's, 80's and 90's. It's like m*sturbating in a time machine.

Brennan Huff : I swear, I'm so p*ssed off at my mom. As soon as she's of age, I'm putting her in a home.

Dad, We're Men

Dale Doback : Dad, we're men. That means a few things - we like to sh*t with the door open, we talk about p*ssy, we go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. That's what we do, and now that is all wrecked.

[brief pause]

Dr. Robert Doback : We literally have never done any of those things.

Shooting Flaming Arrows

Brennan Huff : Listen, I know that we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.

Dale Doback : I would follow you into the mists of Avalon if that's what you mean.

International Waters

Derek : I have to sell or lease at last 80 helicopters to make my nut. And you… You mess with my nut, Brennan, Randy here is gonna eat your d*ck.

Randy : Like Kobayashi.

Derek : I’ve seen him do it.

Brennan Huff : You’ve actually seen him eating a man’s penis?

Derek : It was in international waters, so they couldn’t prosecute him. But I saw it.

Voice of an Angel

Dale Doback : [after hearing Brennan sing] You have the voice of an angel. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.

A Little Tickle

Alice : I want to roll you into a little ball and shove you up my v*gina. You could just live there, it's warm and it's cozy... Oh, I'd just walk around with you in there and just knowing, whenever I feel a little tickle or scratch, it's your hair on my v*gina!

A Green Belt

Brennan Huff : I have a green belt - read it and weep.

Dale Doback : I don’t believe in belts.

Not Gonna Happen

Derek : I am the VP of the biggest executive helicopter leasing company on the western seaboard. I haven’t had a carb since 2004. Check these out. (shows abs) See these? See these boys? This is what I live with, every day. I lather this up with Kiehl's in the shower. You want to touch this sh*t?

Dale Doback : No.

Derek : You want to touch these bad boys? Sorry, not gonna happen.

Brennan Huff : I have a belly full of white dog crap in me, and now you lay this sh*t on me?

Liquid Paper

Brennan Huff : Last week I put liquid paper on a bee... And it died.

• Step Brothers
• Movie Quotes

Look: There are hundred of thousands of movies out there for you to watch. All we're saying is that these are the ones you should put at the top of your list.

Like Gif Story Make Meme

Embed	Share

• Random Quote
• More Genres
• Sound Effects

[ 2 ]

Dad, we're men, okay? That means a few things. We like to shit with the door open. We talk about pussy.

Free download:.

Click to download the sound file

Description: 11 seconds sound clip from the Step Brothers (2008) movie soundboard.

File size	Sample rate	Channels	Resolution
215 kB	160 Kbps/44.000 Hz	stereo	16 bits

You can hear this line at 00:04:36 in the Blu-ray version of the movie.

Quote context

- Robert better not get in my face because I'll drop that motherfucker.

- Jesus, Brennan.

- I'm just saying, I think you gotta think about your options.

- I know that you are technically married now, but that does not mean that they have to live here.

- I think it's time for a change for both of us.

- Dad, we're men, okay? That means a few things. We like to shit with the door open. We talk about pussy.

- We go on riverboat-gambling trips.

- We make our own beef jerky.

- That's what we do. And now that is all wrecked.

- We literally have never done any of those things.

- Where did he go to medical school?

Top rated lines from this movie

Funny quotes with sound clips from the Step Brothers (2008) movie soundboard. The short audio quotes can be downloaded as wav files or in mp3 format and visitors can rate the best lines or sayings.

Actors : Will Ferrell ( Brennan Huff ), John C. Reilly ( Dale Doback ), Richard Jenkins ( Robert Doback ), Mary Steenburgen ( Nancy Huff ), Adam Scott ( Derek Huff ), Kathryn Hahn ( Alice Huff )

[Amazon link] #ad

Latest Movie Sound Bites

(2024) MOVIE-SOUNDS.ORG - Download and listen to lines and quotes from movies which can be used as ringtones. A movie phrases and sayings search engine.

All the movie sound clips on this site are just short samples from the original sources, in mp3, wav or other popular audio formats. The copyrighted, unlicensed movie samples are shorter in comparison to the original movie. Samples do not exceed 10 seconds or less than 1% of the length of the original movie, which is shorter. All the sounds retain their original copyright as owned by their respective movie production companies (read the full disclaimer and disclosures)

Contact | Privacy policy

• Cast & crew
• User reviews

Step Brothers

• Dale Doback : Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good, got a luscious V of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes, " Oh, my God, I've had the old bull, now I want the young calf," and she grabs me by the weiner.
• Dr. Robert Doback : Shut the fuck up!
• Dale Doback : Why are you so sweaty?
• Brennan Huff : I was watching Cops.
• [ about Robert ]
• Brennan Huff : I'm not gonna call him Dad.
• Nancy Huff : Brennan, you're 39 years old. I wouldn't expect you to call him Dad.
• Brennan Huff : Well I'm not going to, *ever*! Even if there's a fire!
• Brennan Huff : This house is a fucking prison!
• Dale Doback : On Planet Bullshit!
• Brennan Huff : In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!
• Brennan Huff : I swear, I'm so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she's of age, I'm putting her in a home.
• Brennan Huff : I'm going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!
• Dale Doback : You and your mom are hilbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.
• Brennan Huff : You're not a doctor... you're a big, fat, curly-headed fuck!
• Dr. Robert Doback : You jagaloons! You're failures! FAILURES!
• Brennan Huff : Hey, you're embarrassing yourself, you geriatric fuck!
• Nancy Huff : Brennan.
• Brennan Huff : Two things: You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother. She's a saint! And then you sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $10,000.
• Nancy Huff : Oh, stop it! Stop it right...
• Brennan Huff : Or I'm gonna shove one of those fake hearing devices so far up your ass...
• Nancy Huff : Brennan!
• Brennan Huff : ...you can hear the sound of your small intestine as it produces shit!
• Male Therapist : So, Dale. I don't know how much you know about therapy, but it usually starts by you telling me a little something about yourself.
• Dale Doback : I work at a college as a janitor even though I feel like I'm smarter than most of the people who go there. Sometimes I see an equation written on a blackboard like half an equation and... I just figure it out.
• Male Therapist : Is this Good Will Hunting?
• Dale Doback : No.
• Male Therapist : It sounds a lot like the plot of Good Will Hunting.
• Dale Doback : Yeah, anyway. My best friend is Ben Affleck...
• Dale Doback : On the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don't even think about it. Just name it. Ready? One, two, three.
• Dale Doback , Brennan Huff : Velociraptor.
• Brennan Huff : Favorite non-pornographic magazine to masturbate to.
• Dale Doback , Brennan Huff : Good Housekeeping.
• Brennan Huff : If you were a chick, who's the one guy you'd sleep with?
• Dale Doback , Brennan Huff : John Stamos.
• Dale Doback : [ stomps foot ] What?
• Brennan Huff : Did we just become best friends?
• Dale Doback : Yep!
• [ they high five each other ]
• Brennan Huff : Do you wanna do karate in the garage?
• Dale Doback : [ after hearing Brennan sing ] You have the voice of an angel. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.
• Dale Doback : [ while Brennan is singing ] Boats and hoes!
• [ Dale and Brennan are in beds next to each other ]
• Dale Doback : [ whispering ] Hey, you awake?
• Brennan Huff : [ also whispering ] Yeah.
• Dale Doback : I just want you to know I hate you. And so does my dad.
• Brennan Huff : Well that's fine. Cause guess what? I hate you too. And this house sucks ass.
• Dale Doback : Well the only reason you're living here, is because me and my dad decided that your mom was really hot, and maybe we should just both bang her, and we'll put up with the retard in the meantime.
• Brennan Huff : Who's the retard?
• Dale Doback : You.
• Brennan Huff : [ raising his voice ] Hey ya'll don't say that!
• Dale Doback : Shut up! You'll wake up my dad and get me grounded.
• Brennan Huff : Just shut up!
• Dale Doback : [ Dale turns his face to Brennan ] Oh yeah?
• Brennan Huff : [ Brennan turns his face to Dale ] Yeah.
• Dale Doback : I'm a curly-headed fuck?
• Brennan Huff : Yeah. You better not go to sleep, cause as soon as your eyes shut I'm gonna punch you square in the face.
• Dale Doback : I hope you stay still when you sleep, cause I'm gonna put a rat trap between your legs.
• Brennan Huff : I'm going to take a pillowcase, and fill it full of bars of soap, and beat the shit out of you.
• [ Dale turns away from Brennan ]
• Dale Doback : I want you out of my fucking house!
• Brennan Huff : No way Kimosabe. This is my house now.
• Dale Doback : I'm just saying, you need to think about your options. I know you two are technically married but that does not mean that they have to live here.
• Dr. Robert Doback : Dale, I think it's time for a change. For both of us.
• Dale Doback : Dad, we're men. That means a few things - we like to shit with the door open, we talk about pussy, we go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. That's what we do, and now that is all wrecked.
• [ brief pause ]
• Dr. Robert Doback : We literally have never done any of those things.
• Brennan Huff : Listen, I know that we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.
• Dale Doback : I would follow you into the mists of Avalon if that's what you mean.
• Dale Doback : [ as they are called back into the office for their first interview ] We're here to fuck shit up!
• Brennan Huff : Your drumset's a whore! I tea bagged your drumset!
• Dale Doback : My drumset's a guy so it makes you gay, you fucker!
• Brennan Huff : Hey Derek, you know what's good for shoulder pain?
• Derek : What?
• Brennan Huff : If you lick my butt hole.
• Brennan Huff : Robert better not get in my face... 'cause I'll drop that motherfucker!
• Nancy Huff : Jesus, Brennan!
• Nancy Huff : You yelled "rape" at the top of your lungs.
• Brennan Huff : Mom, I honestly thought I was gonna be raped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes. And at one point he said, "Lets get it on."
• Dale Doback : That was about the fighting. I am so not a raper!
• Brennan Huff : Look, I didn't touch your drum set, okay?
• Dale Doback : I witnessed with my eyes your testicles touching my drum set.
• Denise : So, I thought we'd begin talking about your parents' divorce.
• Brennan Huff : Okay.
• Denise : How old were you when they got divorced?
• Brennan Huff : Fifteen.
• Denise : That's a hard age.
• Brennan Huff : Yes. Yeah.
• Denise : Do you want to talk about some of those feelings?
• Brennan Huff : I love you.
• Denise : Obviously... you don't know me.
• Brennan Huff : I love you so much.
• Denise : Thank you, and I will take that as a feeling that you have of... comfortability with me.
• Brennan Huff : It's more than comfortability. I mean, I fuckin' love you.
• Denise : Okay, I... think...
• Brennan Huff : I'm just thinking about our life together. I feel like I'm walking on a cloud. My penis is tingling right now.
• Denise : That is so... off-putting.
• Brennan Huff : You're not feeling this?
• Denise : In no way, shape, or form do I feel any feelings of intimacy towards you in any way whatsoever.
• Brennan Huff : I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.
• Nancy Huff : You dont know anyone named Johnny Hopkins.
• Brennan Huff : It was Johnny Hopkins, and Sloan Kettering, and they were blazin' that shit up everyday.
• Nancy Huff : [ Brennan and Dale are sleeping, Nancy walks in to wake them up ] Guys. Guys. Guys!
• Brennan Huff : [ Both guys wake up and quote last line from their dreams ] I'll kill you, Leonard Nimoy.
• Dale Doback : The clown has no penis.
• Nancy Huff : What kind of dreams are you guys having? Hey, it's 12:30. Brennan, your brother's coming today, so you might want to get up.
• Brennan Huff : Today?
• Nancy Huff : Yep.
• Brennan Huff : Shit.
• Dale Doback : What's your problem?
• Brennan Huff : My little brother is even a bigger asshole than you are.
• Derek : I have to sell or lease at last 80 helicopters to make my nut. And you... You mess with my nut, Brennan, Randy here is gonna eat your dick.
• Randy : Like Kobayashi.
• Randy : [ makes eating noise ]
• Derek : I've seen him do it.
• Brennan Huff : You've actually seen him eating a man's penis?
• Derek : It was in international waters, so they couldn't prosecute him. But I saw it.
• Dale Doback : Boats and hoes!
• Sporting Goods Manager : [ after Dale finishes his very prolonged fart ] Was that a fart?
• Dale Doback : I don't know.
• Sporting Goods Manager : I can taste it. On my tongue.
• Dale Doback : Okay, I'll be honest with you. I did fart.
• Sporting Goods Manager : Is that onion? Onion and... Onion and ketchup.
• Sporting Goods Manager : It stinks. And this is a small room.
• Sporting Goods Manager : Okay. Now the tuxedos seem kind of fucked up.
• Dr. Robert Doback : When I was a kid, when I was a little boy, I always wanted to be a dinosaur. I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex more than anything in the world. I made my arms short and I roamed the backyard, I chased the neighborhood cats, I growled and I roared. Everybody knew me and was afraid of me. And one day my dad said, "Bobby, you are 17. It's time to throw childish things aside," and I said, "Okay, Pop." But he didn't really say that, he said, "Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job."
• Dale Doback : Why do you have Randy Jackson's autograph on a martial arts weapon?
• Brennan Huff : 'Cause I bumped into him and all I had on me was this samurai sword. And you're not gonna not get Randy Jackson's autograph, right?
• Dale Doback : I would've done the exact same thing.
• Dale Doback : Brennan you're alive! Oh my God!
• Brennan Huff : I know. I'm alive.
• Dale Doback : You were dead. I saw you die.
• Brennan Huff : I was faking. I used ninja focus to slow my heart rate down.
• Derek : What do we do now?
• Brennan Huff : We could hug.
• Derek : Yeah, you'd like that, faggot!... Sorry.
• Dale Doback : [ referring to him and Brennan geting beat up by kids, while crying ] You know that one scene in The Wizard Of Oz... when the flying monkeys pull apart the scarecrow? That's what it was like.
• Derek : It's the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer.
• Dr. Robert Doback : We're putting the house on the market.
• Dale Doback : Where are we moving?
• Brennan Huff : Is the house haunted?
• Dr. Robert Doback : Nancy and I are retiring and sailing around the world on my boat. We are living the dream.
• Dale Doback : Well what about us?
• Nancy Huff : I- I'm sorry. Robert... we thought that you should take responsibility for your own lives.
• Dr. Robert Doback : And this is the exciting part. We're gonna put enough money in your accounts for a security deposit on an apartment.
• Dale Doback : What's this all about?
• Nancy Huff : Um, more than just money. We're gonna get you another kind of support as well.
• Dr. Robert Doback : You're both gonna see therapists. Nancy thinks it'll help. And guys, that's non-negotiable.
• Brennan Huff : Hold on. We're not going on the boat, Derek's selling the house, we have to go to therapy?
• [ Robert nods ]
• Brennan Huff : WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?
• Dale Doback : Dad, what are you doing? It's Shark Week.
• Derek : [ Derek suddenly climbs up Brennan's treehouse with a beer ] What's up, faggots?
• [ to Brennan ]
• Derek : What's up man? What? You're not gonna come down and say hi to me? What's with that, dipshit? Huh?
• Brennan Huff : [ faintly ] Hi, Derek.
• Derek : Whoa, calm down, man. I'm just joking. You guys, I really like your guys' setup up here...
• Dale Doback : What is your problem, man?
• Derek : My problem? I don't know! I don't have a problem, Dale. Actually, I have the opposite of a problem: I made over 550 K last year!
• Derek : How much did you make?
• Dale Doback : [ shrugs ] It's not about money...
• Derek : No, it's not about money. Well, for me, it's a little bit about money...
• Derek : And I made that much money last year. I am the VP of the biggest executive-helicopter-leasing company on the Western Seaboard. Okay? I haven't had a carb since 2004. Check these out!
• [ Derek lifts up his shirt and shows Dale and Brennan his chest abs ]
• Derek : See these? See these boys? This is what I live with! Every day I lather this up with Kiehl's in the shower. You wanna touch this shit? You wanna touch these bad boys? Sorry, not gonna happen!
• Brennan Huff : You know what? I still hate you, but you got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags.
• Dale Doback : Yeah, I got 'em from the 70's, 80's and 90's. It's like masturbating in a time machine.
• Dale Doback : Hey man. Did you touch my drumset?
• Brennan Huff : [ Brennan nods his head ]
• Brennan Huff : Nope.
• Dale Doback : It's just weird, 'cause, it seems like someone definitely touched my drumset.
• Brennan Huff : Yeah, that is weird, 'cause I didn't touch 'em.
• Dale Doback : [ Dale throws Brennan's feet off the couch ]
• Brennan Huff : Hey!
• Dale Doback : [ angrily ] Did you touch my drumset?
• Brennan Huff : Hey, knock it off!
• Dale Doback : I know you touched my drumstick, 'cause the left one has a chip in it.
• Brennan Huff : Are you fucking crazy, man? You sound insane. Do you realize that? You should be medicated.
• Dale Doback : Fuck you Brennan! I know you touched my drumset, and I wanna hear that dirty little mouth admit it.
• Brennan Huff : Get out of my face, or I'm gonna roundhouse your ass!
• Dale Doback : You swear on your mom's life that you didn't touch it then!
• Brennan Huff : I don't have to swear to shit!
• Dale Doback : That's 'cause you fucking touched my drumset! 'Cause I know COPS doesn't start 'till 4:00!
• Brennan Huff : [ Brennan begins to leave the room ]
• Dale Doback : Where you going?
• Brennan Huff : I'm going upstairs... 'cause I'm gonna put my nutsack, on your drumset! Okay?
• [ Brennan continues to walk upstairs towards his drumset ]
• Dale Doback : If you do that - I'm warning you, right now! If you touch my drums, I will stab you, in the neck, with a knife!
• Brennan Huff : Holy Santa Claus Shit!
• Brennan Huff : We put liquid paper on a bee, and it died.
• Derek : What if I were to tell you that I could sell this house... for 30 percent above market?
• Dr. Robert Doback : That'd be great. Could you do it?
• Derek : Yeah. In a heartbeat, Robby. Look, I got my real-estate license a few years back for shits and gigs. I'd even do it for four-fifths commish... because you know what really gets my dick hard? Helping out my friends.
• Alice : Stay golden, Ponyboy.
• Brennan Huff : I remember my first beer.
• Dale Doback : That's so funny the first time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.
• Nancy Huff : [ speaking at her wedding ] Well, as you all know, my youngest son, Derek, couldn't be here because of an important fishing trip. But my other son, Brennan, was going to be moving into his own place, but he was recently let go from his job at PetSmart, so he is gonna be living with us.
• Brennan Huff : [ raises up out of his chair ] I wasn't *fired* from my job, I was laid off, but you wouldn't know the difference!
• [ he raises his plate ]
• Brennan Huff : I DIDN'T WANT SALMON! I SAID IT FOUR TIMES!
• [ Brennan throws his plate and walks out of the room ]
• Brennan Huff : This wedding is *HORSESHIT!*
• Brennan Huff : This wedding is horse shit!
• Dale Doback : We're in the bathroom!
• Alice : This'll just take a minute. There's really little you can do about it. Let me just hop on.
• [ suddenly opens his pants and mounts him against the wall ]
• Dale Doback : It's all slippery!
• Dale Doback : Hey. Are you awake?
• Brennan Huff : Yeah.
• Dale Doback : I can't believe we actually have to move out of this house.
• Brennan Huff : I know. I feel bad.
• Dale Doback : Hey, you know, we don't have to whisper anymore. Mom and Dad aren't here.
• Brennan Huff : Yeah, but can we keep doing it, though? It helps me pretend that they are.
• Dale Doback : You must feel just terrible. I mean, I know I feel bad.
• Dale Doback : But I can't imagine how you feel after my dad looked right at you and said it's all your fault that they broke up.
• Brennan Huff : That's funny, because my mom said: "If that curly-headed fuck Dale wasn't here everything would be perfect."
• Dale Doback : You take that back.
• Brennan Huff : No way. It's your fault.
• Dale Doback : You know what your problem is? You live in a fantasy land. You refuse to get a joband you don't know what it's like to work for something.
• Brennan Huff : You don't take responsibility for your actions. This is all your fault!
• Dale Doback : Well, you're a mama's boy who's too chicken to sing in public!
• Dale Doback : [ Brennan leaves the bedroom angrily ] Yeah, that's right. Run away, little boy, because you know it's true. Just avoid everything. What are you doing?
• [ Brennen is heard in the next room banging on the drums and chanting ]
• Brennan Huff : Dale broke up Mom and Dad
• Dale Doback : Motherfucker!
• [ Dale rushes into his office ]
• Brennan Huff : Dale broke up Mom and Dad Dale broke up Mom and Dad
• [ Dale picks up a cymbal and hits Brennan over the head with it. Brennan falls ]
• Dale Doback : Brennan! Get up, Brennan, I know you're faking. Get up! Get up! Brennan?
• Brennan Huff : [ while burying Dale alive ] Now I'm gonna play your drumset! Close your eyes. Let the dirt just shower over you...
• [ after burying Dale ]
• Brennan Huff : This is your fault. Oh, I'm exhausted. I'm gonna sleep good tonight...
• [ Brennan walks away ]
• Dale Doback : [ climbs out of the dirt and lunges at Brennan ]
• [ growling ]
• Dale Doback : DON'T YOU TOUCH MY DRUMS!
• Brennan Huff : [ screams ] Zombie! ZOMBIE! Get off me, zombie!
• Dale Doback : The only reason you're living here is because me and my dad decided that your mom was really hot, and maybe we should just both bang her, and we'll put up with the retard in the meantime.
• Dale Doback : I manage a baseball team.
• Nancy Huff : Oh, little league?
• Dale Doback : Fantasy league.
• Brennan Huff : [ mowing lawn, dressed as Nazi ] Hey Derek, sprechen sie dick?

Contribute to this page

• See more gaps
• Learn more about contributing

More from this title

More to explore, recently viewed.

History of Riverboat Gambling on the Mississippi

The South has always been at least somewhat friendly to gambling due to the rise of the riverboat in the early 1900s. Games of chance were kept on the water so that anti-gambling laws wouldn’t apply. Games like poker and roulette took place on grand riverboats, even if the ship never left the dock.

This tradition was greatly reduced when the railroad became the main way to transport both goods and people, but some riverboats remain in the South today. In Mississippi and Louisiana, especially, retired steamboats are now used for river cruising and for gambling in places like Vicksburg.

Online casinos are one of the latest innovations in the casino industry. Since the rise of technological advancements, they are solid competitors to U.S.-based land-based casinos. Many gambling restrictions still remain in the South and across the ocean. For example, every casino in the UK gets licensed by the UK Gambling Commission.

The regulations of the U.S. online casino market have led to developers existing who only get associated with U.S. casinos and are not available at UK-based gaming sites. Some famous developers for the U.S. market are RealTime Gaming, Relax Gaming, Rival Gaming, Elk Studios and Betsoft.

But for those players who want the old-time experience of dressing up and boarding a grand steamboat, the South has plenty for them. Just look along the Mississippi River from Missouri to Louisiana. According to Visit Mississippi , the first steamboat to travel the Mississippi River was the New Orleans, whose October 1811 maiden voyage began in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The New Orleans stopped in Natchez in December 1811 before continuing to its final port in New Orleans.

Wealthy Southerners could afford to travel by steamboat, and some were ornately decorated in the Victorian style. The riverboat casinos that remain today continue that grand tradition, with music playing onboard, restaurants available to players and even live entertainment offered regularly.

So, if you want to step back in time and experience the old South by river—without all the outlaws and pirates —consider a riverboat cruise or evening of gaming.

SHARE THIS STORY:

Eco-conscious travel, the wild history of, related articles.

3 Must-Visit Histori

6 Creative Trips Thr

Best Photo Spots in

No comments, leave a comment cancel reply.

A Guide To The Most Iconic Riverboat Casinos In The US 

• MEET THE TEAM
• PRIVACY POLICY
• TERMS OF USE

Talk about casino destinations and you’ll most likely think of Las Vegas, Atlantic City or, if you are travelling outside the US, maybe Monaco or Macau.

Yet what are called “land based” or “bricks and mortar” casinos to differentiate them from the online versions are not necessarily on land or made of bricks and mortar.” To: “Yet what are called “land based” or “bricks and mortar” casinos to differentiate them from the online versions like 1xbet India online casino, are not necessarily on land or made of bricks and mortar.

We refer, of course, to riverboat casinos, a little slice of Americana that’s as American as Super Bowl Sunday or Thanksgiving turkey. Riverboat casinos conjure up images of the Mississippi and Mark Twain complete with white suit, top hat and cigar. There are more than 60 riverboat casinos operating in the USA and every single one of them has a story to tell. Here, we highlight a handful of the very best.

The Grand Victoria, Elgin

Our first stop is not on the Mississippi at all, but on the Fox River in Elgin, 50 miles north west of Chicago . Owned and operated by Caesars Entertainment, the Grand Victoria really is a slice of Las Vegas on the Illinois waterfront.  With more than 1,000 slots and video poker terminals and 36 tables, there’s a great choice of games.

If all that gambling whets your appetite, there are four dining options on board, including the highly rated Buckingham’s Steakhouse and Lounge.

Casino Queen, Marquette  

The Casino Queen would look like a lifeboat if it was moored alongside the Grand Victoria, but that is all part of its charm. It offers a more intimate and personalized experience, and although there are only eight tables, they host an intriguing variety of games that are not commonly found in land (or water) based casinos. If you know how to gamble online in the US , you’ve probably seen fusion blackjack and 21+3 at US online casinos. The Casino Queen gives you an opportunity to play them in real casino surroundings.

When you step ashore, there is an adjacent 31-acre entertainment complex with a variety of attractions and a huge choice of dining options.

The Amelia Belle, Amelia  

At last, we arrive in Louisiana, where the Amelia Belle lies nestled in the Avoca Island Cutoff waterway. This classic four-story riverboat looks like it has stepped straight out of a photograph from the turn of the 20 th century. When it is lit up at night, it takes your breath away.

At the tables, poker is the order of the day. The casino offers Mississippi stud, 3-card poker and Texas Holdem. There are also 800 slot games, while the Fanduel sportsbook has self-service betting kiosks, a wall full of television screens, and a huge video wall to show the biggest events.

Sam’s Town, Shreveport

On the opposite side of Louisiana, Sam’s Town could not be more different to the Amelia Belle. This floating leisure complex houses a hotel, health spa, sauna and live entertainment venue.

The casino offers more than 1,000 slots and 30 table games that include blackjack, roulette, baccarat, Let it Ride and Craps No More.

Team JST work with our sponsors, shop vendors, and many more to create informative and engaging content.

Jetset Times in your inbox

By signing up, you agree to our Privacy Policy and European users agree to the data transfer policy.

Travelling With Exciting Casino Experiences

Discover Entertainment While Taking The Road

5 Top Tips To Elevate Your Casino Experience

From Vegas To Monte Carlo: Iconic Destinations For Gambling Enthusiasts

Night Rhythm: Exploring Nightlife Culture In The World’s Capitals